January 1, 2020

Forward and onward

As Freud believed in dream analysis so too I question the meaning of my dreams as I awake from my slumber. The trouble is I awaken five times each night. There are parts of dreams and I ponder their significance as I drift off to sleep again and again.  

The morning comes and it is a new year, 2020. I have promised myself to be a forward-thinking person. So I look into the future and direct myself into the could be even as my dreams pull me into the past.

I've played it over and over. The things that transpired in the last 3 days. The last three days between him and me.  

Day 3 was rather short. I told him that I had cried. A retching ugly cry. I told him I felt like I had lost my best friend, like I'm mourning the loss of something that had been an intricate part of me.

He considered me with detachment and asked me what did I want him to do with that.  

I asked him if we should continue to see each other.  

His response was what did I want. His voice seemed distant and far away. I thought he hadn't heard the question and I repeated myself but the response was still the same.  

I replied it's been nice knowing you.  

He said you're trying to manipulate me because you know that I care about you.  

I paused for a moment and contemplated my next move. I, then responded icily I don't lie. I never lie.  

I shot him a glance as I got up to leave.

And that was the last time I ever saw him.