April 16, 2021

My best friend Mike broke up with me.

I asked him for a year to become a better person.

So I made a blog to keep track of what's going on with me and him.

I hope that he would read it.

There are no guarantees.

Here's letter that I wrote to him today...

Hi Mike,

I just broke up with Jeff, decorated aviation commander. We had a 124 compatibility score on eharmony but he made me feel like a trained monkey. It wasn't easy to come to the conclusion that we were done. I wanted someone. He lived in Spokane Washington and was considering a move out to Dayton. I pushed all of his happy buttons but I think that I felt like I was in a straitjacket with him. I didn't like that feeling.  

I miss you so incredibly.

But I'm still working on becoming a better person.

I don't think that I could give you the boundary and space that you need right now.

And that's really important to me.

To not have you ask again for space.

I'm glad I have the forum of this blog to maybe, hopefully reach you somehow.

I so absolutely and incredibly miss you.

You're such a point of happiness to me. But I have to figure out how to be that for you.

I'm sorry for all the ways that I hurt you Mike and put stress in your life.

There's a lot that I have to work through to get to a better place. A place where life is not about karma. A place where I don't require an eye for an eye.

A different place.

I'm not there Mike.

I cherish you so much. I want to get to that place to have you in my life.